Relationships

I have for many years been both teaching groups and counselling people on life skills, particularly in the areas of enjoying successful relationships.

Our ability to manage our relationships is totally dependent on our own sense of self worth. When we are young and experiencing the pressures of a new relationship, building a secure foundation with our finances and taking on the enormous responsibility of starting a family, our intimate relationship usually suffers somewhat. We believe that we will be able to make up for that when we are settled and secure but often the damage done to our primary relationship is so deep that it can easily destroy the very foundation of that relationship. The baggage is not easily dropped.

Such relationships settle into a pattern that is safe and mundane and can survive until the children leave home. When parents are left with an empty nest they realise that they don’t really want to spend what ever is left of their lives without some real love and excitement to fill their days. Thoughts often return to their first romance and memories of the wine and roses, lust and excitement take on a life of their own. It is easy to forget that all relationships go through stages and that successful ones use those challenging moments to grow and evolve into truly worthwhile, lasting relationships.

No relationship will survive if both parties are not committed to the joint venture, it takes two to tango….

After 28 years of what I believed to be a mutually enjoyable, rewarding relationship that survived many challenges, I awoke one morning wrapped in my partners arms as I had every morning to be told how wonderful I was and how much I was loved and appreciated. The compliments had a slightly wry tinge to them which was hard to fathom. Several hours later I was told that he had plans for his future and I was not a part of those plans. I say this to have you realise that relationships can unexpectedly collapse at any time for many reasons. It may be death, a sudden debilitating illness or a break-up that brings an end to something you saw as life long. No matter what the cause the outcome is the same.

Finances are a major issue. It is rare to have a completely civil parting of the ways and money causes more unpleasantness than anything else. Your plans for retirement are no longer relevant. Family divisions occur as do long standing friendships. These things should not occur but do in the vast majority of cases as people do not know how to handle emotional issues.

We must all learn to make the most of every moment, say everything we have ever wanted to say being mindful not to say anything we wouldn’t want to have said to us. Healthy communication that develops emotional integrity needs to be a part of our daily routine so that above all else, we can feel good about who we are as we cannot be responsible for what anyone else says or does….

Bev can be contacted by email at bbv76008@bigpond.net.au