Baby Boomers Q & A

Have your questions answered

Many of us are confronted by lifestyle and emotional issues which can be difficult to handle. We have found a trained, coach / Counsellor who can probably assist you.

If you have an issue which is causing you some concern, why not get some expert advice, that won't cost you a consulting fee?

Mary G has a lot of experience and is happy to answer your questions. Following are Mary's answers to some of the questions we have previously been asked.

If you have something bothering you, then ask Mary for her response. To contact her, just click on "Contact us" at the top of the page and type your question in the "Comments" box. Then click on "Submit".

We will NOT publish your name under your question

Question 1

I have now retired after 50 years of working full time, and I
feel like giving up. What can do to change this?

Answer

When we constantly judge ourselves, we don't give ourselves the
opportunity to see all the good that is around us. Take stock of where you
are today, and writing a list of all the possibilities that you can do or be
involved in, will help you to see the positive side of the situaton.
Congratulations on your long working life, now enjoy what is around you. Get
comfortable with feeling good.

Question 2

Why is communication so hard? It has not been easy to
communicate my feelings and I would like to be able to do this.

Answer

Negative emotions do not encourage us to communicate. We need to
identify our feelings and share them without condemnation. Accept the
feelings of both yourself and your mate and ask "What can I do to help?" We
are not mind readers.

Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to the body. Don't
stop talking and don't stop listening.

Question 3

I have 3 adult children who are married and have families. I love my adult children and grandchildren dearly, however I feel like I don't have the ability to say "No" when they ask me to baby sit when I have made other arrangements. So how do I say "NO" to my adult children without them feeling hurt?

Answer

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries. The most difficult word to receive from people is the word "No." Instead of hearing "No" as a boundary word, we perceive it as a personal rejection. If I was to ask you today what the word "No" meant to you, you would probably say rejection, based on your perception of past experiences. The more the emotional investment in our adult children's lives the more difficult it is to say "No." It can be done though and very successfully. First it is important to change our view of the word "No". This means understanding that the word "No" does not mean you stop caring, but it means that you choose not to take full responsibility for someone else. Get together once a month with your adult children and discuss your schedules for the month ahead. You win, and they win as well.

Question 4

Since finishing work and becoming retired, I feel a sense of emptiness and loss of identity. Is this normal and what do you think I can do to move forward?

Answer

First, change your view of the word 'retired'. Ask yourself "What does this word mean to me." From there you will be able accept the emptiness and loss of identity that is natural and normal for this season of life. During your working lifetime you would have thought about things that you would like to do when you are no longer working fulltime. Make a list of these and watch how doors of opportunities will open for you in these areas. Good luck.

Question 5

My husband and I are looking forward to a trip of a lifetime, but what will be do after that?

Answer

Make sure you have a plan set in place for when you return that will enable you to return to normality quickly. To keep the trip alive don't leave your photos on the camera, put them in a format that is easy to access so you can enjoy the trip anytime.

Question 6

After many years of being on my own, I have met a wonderful man on the internet and we have decided to get married. We both have adult children, however some of them do not accept our relationship. What do we do?

Answer

Outline your plans to the ones who do support you and hope they will influence the other family members. After all you are adults now and responsible for the decisions and choices you all make. As a couple you can listen to their concerns, discuss them and make up your own minds. Enjoy each other and have fun.

Question 7

My husband is due to retire within the next 18 months, and I wonder if I will be able to continue my interests when that happens?

Answer

Do you devalue and shut down yourself because you have entered into a new environment? You will certainly be out of your comfort zone when he is home all the time. Give yourself some time to adjust, before you make any radical changes. Find an interest you can do together and start that before the change occurs.

Question 8

We have lived in the same area for over 40 years, but the house is now too big and takes a lot of our time to maintain. Should be move and have a ‘sea change’ or just relocate in the area.

Answer

It is important to stay in the area you are familiar with. Write out the pros and cons, taking into account your lifestyle, family and other commitments you may have. Downsizing can be a challenge, but the sense of freedom you will have from not having so much stuff will be fantastic. Who wants our stuff anyway?

Question 9

My wife & I are at a crossroads in our lives and do not know what to do.

We both work full time and have a teenage son still living at home who has
18 months of schooling left, we still have a large mortgage and an
investment property mortgage to pay for, however the last two years or so,
we have both felt that we are ready for a change as I have been working
since I was 14 and I am going on 57 and I am over it and my wife is very
unhappy in her full time job.

We started up a home based business believing this would enable us to give
up our paid jobs and work from home...but that hasn't happened as
yet...we've both just lost any motivation we might have had.

We've discussed moving out of our home and renting it and going back to
renting ourselves to allow my wife to go to part time work, but as yet have
not done this.

Is it normal for people to go through these kinds of feelings at thist stage
of our lives, when we should know what we want & where we are headed?

Any suggestions or ideas would be most grateful.

Answer

It is very normal to go through feelings of uncertainity at this time in our
life. I call it "Standing at the Crossroads." When we reach a crossroad
like this, the best thing to do intially is nothing, until the emotions
become less intense and we can begin to see more clearly.

First of all I suggest that you decide what 'retirement' means to you.
Writing out the pros and cons of some of your ideas and thoughts is an
excellent way to see more clearly what you really want in this new part of
your life. Making a list of what you and your wife would like to achieve
over the next 10 years is also a way of clarifying our financial goals.

I think you have made some very good decisions with having an investment
property, and getting some more advice from a professional may assist you in
the future.

Most of us will still haveto work to bring in an income until 65 or more, so
if it is a change of direction, decisions need to be based on realistic
consequences. If you aren't working, where are the finances coming from to
satisfy the lifestyle you want or would like to have.

Meanwhile, have some fun, whilst you wait for the signposts at the
crossroads to become more clear. You can do it?

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